i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
