I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
