I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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