I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
