That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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