i already hear my dad disowning me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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