man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
