Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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