Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
