dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
