We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
