This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
