this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
