i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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