two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm passing your future prison.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
