Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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