are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
