Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
