would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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