i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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