im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
