in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
