I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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