the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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