My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
