i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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