Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
