cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
