He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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