I must be too annoying 4 u.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
