he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
