He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
