I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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