so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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