I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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