I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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