My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
