Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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