My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
