this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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