i may or may not be watching the land before time
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
