Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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