Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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