Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I party with great urgency now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
