Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
