True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
