she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
