Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
