Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Come on in and take your pants off
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