We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
